Due North.

So my first bout of homesickness arrived approximately 5 weeks into my 7 week trip. It was a deep seated homesickness that came out of nowhere. It made me squirm, it made me cry, it even made me tap my heels three times and say "there's no place like home"... just in case that shit actually worked. I squeezed my eyes shut and curled into a ball and wondered if I could somehow become so instantly amazing at meditation and out of body travel that I could transport myself back to my home and my friends sheerly through the power of my mind. I think I was pretty close to cracking it.

But eventually this longing began to fade. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely ready to come home when I did. I'd had about enough of staring at the same four walls and having no money and coming off hold for jobs and living out of a suitcase...

But now, after the shocking revelation that there is no career plan pegged out for me, I'm probably not going to be a supermodel and therefore I can choose what city I want to live in.. It makes me wonder... where do i want to be? If i was not me but if I could see me, where would I tell me to go? Ha! Who knows?!

Home is where the heart is.. but if your heart is with your friends, your family, your comforts and where everything is easy at the same time as being in the unknown, the big-time, somewhere far away.. then where does that leave you?

I found a picture the other day, it said "I always wonder why birds choose to stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on the Earth... Then I ask myself the same question"

Good point.

Do you go to the most exciting city to search for the biggest dream? Even if you've been told the odds are against you? What happens if the dream falls through, the dream dies, the dream disappears? What do you have left in that big exciting city? Not friends, not family, no comforts.

Just you and your charred sparkler of a dream.

But on the other hand, if you know that you've got to get out of this town eventually, you've got to be more than what you are now, you can't live and die here... then where do you choose? Do you choose the place where the dream is... just in case? Do you throw the dream away and opt for the financially stable thing to do? Do you shave your head and wander the planet until you find some direction?

How do you map a section of your life when you don't even have a compass?

Hrmm. Bit heavy I know, but these are the questions. Universe, please send me a compass.. or a sign.. maybe a map.

Cheers.

Cosmo Shoot!

Some of my favourite little moments from the past few months..

Shag

Shag - I came across this little gem the other day on my walk home from a casting. Well, actually, I've been eyeing off this treasure trove since my second day in Sydney when I passed it on a bus, sweaty little palms pressed against the window, slack jawed and wide eyed.

Over the following weeks i admired it from afar, trying to convince myself it would be just like all the other over-hyped, over-priced second hand stores that try to pass themselves off as worthy candidates for my hard earned moolah.

But, I am happy to say, I was not disappointed!

Although I didn't buy anything from this store (round of applause please), the gorgeous interiors alone were utterly satisfying for my world-weary eyes.

You kind of feel like you're entering into someone else's (amazing, out of this world) living room-cum-wardrobe when you step through the beaded curtain.

Clever shelving in rich colours really make the jewel-toned vintage pop to the extent where you just want to crawl into; and become part of the gorgeous tapestry of each rack.

Conglomerates of costume jewellery sparkle like Vegas in well lit cabinets while shoes of every shape and colour line the walls and invite you to step in and take them for a spin.

As cliched as it sounds, I really did feel like a kid in an old-school candy shop.

Liquorice allsorts + giraffe print boots + a bag of boiled lollies please!

Well worth a visit next time you're on Oxford street.

lovers.

town crier

to love and to be loved

it's quite an achievement. sometimes it hurts

sometimes it doesn't seem worth it

sometimes it drives you mad

sometimes it's hard

sometimes you are blinded by it

sometimes it opens up your eyes

sometimes it makes you think you can do impossible things

sometimes it makes you do impossible things

when love is lost

when love is misplaced

when love runs away

it can be soul destroying

you will probably not remember the tough times

your broken heart will only let you see the fun you had

your broken heart will tell you that you will not survive the day

your broken heart will tell you that you are all the things you do not want to be

your broken heart revels in your tears, it tells you to cry a little bit more

your broken heart asks you to see if you can cry yourself to death

you will listen to your broken heart

you will abide by the rules your broken heart sets

you will allow your broken heart to lock the doors and pull the blinds shut

to climb into your bed and pull the covers over your head

and your broken heart will tell you that no one knows how hurt you are

that no one can help you

that no one could possibly have gone through what you're going through and lived

and because, by this stage, your broken heart is your best friend, you listen

you listen to it's every whim

you make no time for anyone else

but

if you stop listening to your broken heart for just a second

and take a look around

you just might find, that you're surrounded

edged in

knee deep

in broken heart survivors

they've patched themselves up

brushed themselves off

maybe they've found new loves

sure, they might be a little scarred

they might walk with a limp

but they are almost certainly better people for the experience

no one said that love and loss was going to be fun

stop listening to donna lewis (yes, you) stop googling heartbreak

stop drinking yourself into a broken hearted puddle

this is the best time in your life

you may not see it just yet

you might not see it for a long time to come

but your skin is getting thicker, your heart is getting smarter

no, not your broken heart, your whole heart, it's still there

and it's learning

learning that you can be by yourself

learning what makes you tick

learning what you like to do with your time

learning that there are people around you who are worth your time

learning that you don't have to be treated with anything less than the love and respect you deserve

it will take time, it will take patience, it will take a hell of a lot of guts

but you will wriggle free of what you will soon discover is your broken hearts strangle-hold

you will come out the other side, emerge from the shadows as a better, more beautiful, more intelligent person

just like the moth that breaks free of its chrysalis

give life a try, who knows, you might just like it.

take a picture, it'll last longer

so maybe you came here with a pocketful of dreams

and maybe you'll leave with nought but smithereens

but you had fun, didn't you kid? and thats what it's all about

they took one look at you, smiled to themselves

they said 'aw hell' i guess you never can tell

they said knock yourself out kid, we don't mind

you see we get girls like you stomping round here all the time

thinking they're gonna change the world one catwalk at a time

land some campaigns, retire at 25.